pluto

i was irrationally upset when they said pluto wasn't actually a planet. MY CHILDHOOD WAS A LIE

lady gaga is a ho

i work at a foodbank. the idea of a meat dress is pretty fucking offensive to me.

normally i don't take a stand on important issues, but...

spread the word, friends, so we can end this before it spreads!

i picked a carrot from my garden yesterday...

WHAT KIND OF FUCKING SOIL DOES IDAHO HAVE, ANYWAY.

tomatoes are already red, asshole

derrrrr facebook

i'm guilty of this a bit myself... like HURRRR I DID SOMETHING REALLY FUCKING AWESOME YESTERDAY NOW HOW CAN I PHRASE IT ON FACEBOOK SO I SOUND COOL AND MY FRIENDS COMMENT
because the value of our life experiences are only measured by the number of facebook comments they receive.

monocles are crucial when effectively insulting your enemies.

a tactful insult, when coupled with a monocle, top hat, cane, and cheesy british accent, will render your opponents speechless and give them no question as to your authority.
this becomes trickier when your opponent has a monocle as well, however we trust your ability to overcome any obstacles.

fuck yeah thunderstorms!

a truer statement was never uttered.
though i do miss the batshit-crazy raging of midwest thunderstorms... idaho has them sometimes but they don't last as long or wreak as much havoc.

onions are pretty fucking stinky. i was once stuck in a room with rotten onions everywhere, and i thought i was going to barf.

vegetable valentine

fuckin... unicorns.

i don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin, but i think unicorns are kick-ass.
the beet is definitely three different colors... we'll pretend it's a mood-beet. you know, like mood rings? damn, i need to pay more attention when i make this shit in paint.

oh lordy lordy, the world is going apeshit.

i do enjoy bubbles. :)

talking on the telephone sucks donkey balls.

i have an irrational fear and overwhelming hatred of talking on the phone, which makes something like ordering pizza or calling friends a very daunting task that can reduce me to a nervous pile of worm food. at work i resort to e-mail whenever possible, and can often come across as pretty goddamn rude in my rush to get the fuck off the phone.

hitler liked comfy chairs, too!

i am not nearly cool enough to think of this, but i had to share it because it made me laugh until i couldn't feel feelings anymore.

the best of friends communicate through shared insults.

insults are my preferred medium for communication. sure, it doesn't work so well in an office setting, but in my personal life i'm incapable of human affection. i also can't take credit for "waffle stompers"; it's from an episode of Monty Python's Flying Circus.

hookers and beer solve all of life's little (and large) problems.

hanging out with hookers is worse than sleeping with them, because it sends your reputation straight down the tubes. especially if you happen to be a piece of produce.

not a vegetable cartoon... but bears fucking rock.

especially if they happen to have chainsaws instead of limbs. i wouldn't want to run into this guy in the forest... mowing down rabbits and sequoias in his path!